The Unexpected Happiness…
About Me
For those visiting ‘Life, Rom-Com, Trauma and Weird Shit… If you're trying to get to know Josilynne Patino. You won’t find her here but if you’re trying to lurk and stalk her or learn a bit about her then you’ve come to the right place. Reading my blog will only give you limited insight and detail about how, and what made Josilynne Patino, for those who know me IRL know I’m not an open book, but I can share when I please. I’m still a work in progress to something very historical, as you read my weekly blog, you’ll be able to get an image of those people, memories, or experiences who have left an internal memory or maybe even a mark to where now… I get to share it. For those lurking and stalking well there’s a reason you’re stalking and we’re not talking anymore… (awkward laugh) who knows maybe you’ll even read about it? So, whether you’re reading on your free time, or trying to understand why I ghosted you or who that girl was that passed by you that day…enjoy because you’ll never really known me until you meet me! As I embrace the beautiful messiness of my existence, my writing is my safe space for exploring the highs and lows of life and everything in between. I am dedicated to sharing personal stories, insights, and reflections that resonate and that have made me who I am. From the joy and pain of my romantic experiences to the struggles of trauma. I aim to find humor and meaning in the chaos of my past.
Life
Definition:/ the existence of an individual human being or living organism/animal. To specifically distinguish the capability of growing, metabolizing, responding, adapting, and reproducing all over again.
In other words, learning to keep your shit together when you have the shittiest days, to the most amazing days that you never want to go away. Life has its important values but also has those stupid moments where you look back and think “was that really supposed to happen, like did I really need to go through that?” And the answer for that is ‘yes’ you did whatever it is whether it was small or BIG you had to go through that to either 1: learn something and correct yourself to never make that same mistake again or 2: as a blessing like maybe you needed the help in some aspect of your life. The older I get I start to look back at the hard times and struggles I had to overcome to get to where I am to this day. From living in shelters when I was 6 years old with my family to getting kicked out at 18 and moving in with my first life experience, we call a “relationship” but that’s a different topic. All of that ties in to where you end up and if you don’t or already know this, but God is a big part of our lives, and he will help in the most mysterious ways that you can’t even imagine how powerful his presence is because God is love and you won’t know it until you actually feel it.
Updates Every Tuesday :)
Hello 2025
Happy New Year Fellow Readers,
This year is the year of change, growth, and patience. Whether you hate your job well “pick up the phone and start dialing”, you don’t like where your living well “what are you doing to change that?”, you want to go back to school because you feel like a dumbass… well “pick up a book and start reading” nothing gets done with just waiting around and saying you're going to do it, you have to be willing to put in the effort to work towards it to know what it feels like to EARN it!! Life is a beautiful thing no matter what unexpected thing comes your way make the best out of it! Just don’t waste it one thing about life is tomorrow isn’t promised we could all die tomorrow or in the next the 20 mins but make it count whatever you're working towards just make IT COUNT!!
My Healing means THERAPY :/
My Healing means THERAPY :/
TRAUMA
My least favorite thing I dislike about my life. Let me explain trauma isn’t bad if you recognize it early on in your adult life, I didn’t notice my trauma until I realized I had the fear of being alone not being able to have someone by my side and share life’s ups and downs with. As I grew up, I wondered why we weren’t exactly a family as in there was no father figure role around besides men coming and going in and out of our life, I knew it wasn’t normal but it’s what I got dealt. Growing up with a single mother wasn’t the easiest life some things were good one day and bad the other. My mother struggled with a mental disorder called (bipolar disorder) along with on and off post-partum depression and would have the worse episodes when she would get her depression but any further, I choose not to disclose. You don’t recognize bad behaviors until you start to do it yourself as you become an adult. For me I didn’t recognize it until I was 21 years old and by then I was already in my 2nd relationship but the habits that I had picked up on from my mother was avoiding and shutting down when it came time to communicate, when I would get upset I would hold back not share but be in the worse mood towards everyone not only was it hard to hide but very obvious on my face. As it became more of struggle to the point waking up continuing my daily routine was a struggle because of the constant depression it honestly became really hard to face reality, life, society. I needed a way to figure out what was wrong if there was a possibility for a healthier mentality and so forth came my therapy journey.
Updates Every Tuesday :)
Trust
Trust is the hardest thing to get back with those have done you any wronging or caused you any type of harm or pain. The main thing I struggle with is forgiveness. But there is a beautiful bible verse that I have reflected off of recently “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying, ‘I repent’, you must forgive them. - Luke 17:4
In other terms no matter how much pain and hurt that person has caused you its best to forgive whether they ask for it or don’t forgive for yourself and then for them as well because that person might not see it now but will want that forgiveness in due time as the saying goes “its better to forgive and forget then to dwell in pain and sorrow”.
Over-Thinking
The mind is the most powerful of the human body, not only the mind but the thoughts in your mind. They tend to overwhelm you in thoughts to jump from conclusion to conclusion to questions to panic and worries. Where you start to get anxiety, I struggle so much with over-thinking especially things that are out of my control that need to be played out on their own or just be left alone as it is. One thing I’ve learned in my therapy journey is that to avoid the thoughts and the outcome of spiraling is to re-center yourself, be known in the presence, appreciate your surroundings and act on what is happening now to what you are able to control now. Forget about the “what”, “if”, and “how” when the situation presents itself in front of you then take on the challenge. Relax, Breathe, and take it One Day At A Time.
ROM - com
Ahh.. yes, my romantic facades that are bittersweet but short lived with either a bad ending or no never mind bad ending (laugh). Parting ways is hard, it’s either you're leaving them or they’re leaving you. Just know if I’m leaving you, I’ve chosen instinct over memory and if you leave me well be prepared for hell (laugh historically) what cmon I’m still healing :) but a few things you should know about romantic Josilynne. If she likes you, she’ll show you to her fullest to try to get to know you more to see if there’s more to like about you. Then when you get into a relationship with her well your locked in, not only with loyalty and trust but further where she’s thinking of beyond forever. She’s romantic when it comes to affection, and she’ll go above and beyond for surprising you where you’ll have to reevaluate your gift for her because she’s out done you and herself. Committing isn’t hard for her it’s the finding someone to match her energy and her level. Which is why the outcome is her always ending right back at square one but one thing I will say is you learn something from each of those people that come for short period whether it’s good or bad it’s teaching you what or what not to look for in the next person. The generation is hard as of DECEMBER 2024 and we’re about to be in 2025 already so there’s no chance it’s getting any better any time soon, so be prepared for more disappointment and being more guarded with your feelings because in reality “muthafukas don’t care about you or your feeling’s” so why should it be any different in return?
“The Endless Time Capsule”
First real relationship I got into was at the age of 18 going on 19 as I can’t give actual names out because well it’s the internet and I don’t have their consent we will call the main character of this story “D”. I met this person at my first actual job ‘Mcdonald’s’ I had already been there before “D” came I was the cashier, and he was the new grill cook that had just moved back from Las Vegas. At the time I was already 18 turning 19 soon and he was 25, at first there wasn’t much physical attraction there, so I really didn’t intend any further intention, and I didn’t like him either because the impression that was made when we worked together for the first time. I remember it like it was yesterday only cause it’s so funny, but I was cashier, and I was in charge of prepping orders and “D” was the line cook preparing all the sandwiches and for some reason a sandwich didn’t get made and was needed and I recall asking “politely” to have it made it again. I’m not sure if maybe “D” didn’t hear me, or he was just being a jerk, but he just stood there looking at me as I’m getting frustrated where I start to raise my voice soon enough another cook just makes the sandwich but there after I didn’t like him and had no further interest in him. But a few days go by, and we work the same shift together again and I had no interest to talk to him, but he approached me later on and had sarcastically asked “are you still mad?” and I had replied “no.” (with attitude in my voice and my face) one thing that caught my attention right off the back was what he said and how he just walked away, he replied with “your cute when you're mad.” After that I was interested all my attention was on him, one motive, one goal to call him mine and mine only. Me and “D” were together for a total of 5 years going on 6 and it was the hardest, realest first relationship I had experienced. He was guarded to not trust people easily because of his trauma and his experience of being raised in the streets but also adding on both parent’s that were on drugs for most part he practically had to raise himself. I had sympathy because I could relate to some of that on a certain note (I’ll add further on in the blog) but it’s what made me stay for so long and allow the abuse. The first two years were a sweet sorrow because of how old the person was and how much trauma he already had it released physical and mental abuse on the partner (me) it wasn’t bad to the point where I had a black eye every once in a while, but it was bad to where I didn’t know the intentions of the person or how far he would take it. As in how far the person would take it because I had a lot of near-death experiences with the person all ‘intentional’ and under the influence (alcohol problem) not only with violence but with weapons to the point where I was scared to leave because I didn’t want to risk putting my life in jeopardy. Not only his addiction to alcohol was just one of the many problems in our relationship granted every relationship has its fair share of ups and downs but it’s up to both of you to put in the work it’s all about the willingness, how much are you willing to do on each other’s part? This relationship taught me how to fight, how to be patient, to show grace and faith towards your partner, to never give up when it gets hard, to encourage better for you and your partner to never leave your partners side even on their darkest days and times. Only problem with that whole learning experience is it being for the wrong person. You know when you’re done in a relationship? When it starts to become a job rather than a mutual or intimate connection, when there’s no joy, no good, no fun, no love… nothing, when the person tells you the same thing over 20 times within the last year but for over 5 years straight and all you can say “I know” or “okay” not because you know they can’t but because you know they won’t, when you realize this isn’t (your person for you). “D” was given many chances to grow and further in the relationship but soon those chances run out just like the 5 years of patience. When you realize everything, you once had are just memories in that time and all you can do is thank each other for the time spent no matter how difficult it was and part ways, how you choose to reflect from it is up to you individually it could either set you back or you could learn and grow from it to know what you want and don’t want in the next person. - El Fin
“The Fairy Tale”
What seemed to be a forever after, sadly came to an end. “A” this is for you… I had met “A” in 2023 of February while both our situations were complicated, we crossed paths to find each other. I was no longer happy the place I was in, and “A” hid in the shadows with the person he was with at the time. What started out in secrets unfolded into a facade the was short lived for 8 months of joy, laughter, and inner child pureness. What me and “A” had felt rare it was pure it felt like nothing I had ever experienced something healthy and sweet. I never thought of it coming to an end, it got serious to the point where I would’ve moved mountains and countries to be closer to the person, I thought of future’s we could’ve had. Until that’s all it was just plans that were never followed through. I had to remember “A” was the youngest I had been with he was 21 at the time and I didn’t think much of it at the time, but it did have a lot to do with how everything came to an end. They say age is just a number but then they say ‘Love’ has no number, I also believe mentality has a lot to do with it, but if you ask me on a deeper note, I’ll tell you there’s a thing called “right person wrong time”. In this case I’ll tell you this person took a deeper part of me, and I’m not scared or ashamed of saying it, but this person truly stole my heart, I have never felt love so pure, so sweet, so joyous, to where no amount of words can describe how good it felt to have a love like this… Just typing this person’s story still gives me little tear drops. If you were to ask, would you do it again? I’d hesitate but hands down… I would because even with all the pain, the bullshit, and the stupid mistakes that were made. I truly will always love that person because that’s thing about love its beautiful, it hurts but that just means what we had was real, I don’t know if that door is closed forever for me and “A” but regardless I’d give anything to just feel that warmth again, to smell the distinctive smell the person had, to be in the presence of their voice again. I fought really hard for the person in the beginning and in the end to where I’m afraid to fight again to get the same outcome, I can’t say it’ll ever be the same just cause me and that person are different people and its scary but there is no doubt in my mind and my heart that I don’t want anyone else but that person “only”. If it were to happen I have no intentions of ever messing it up… that love has grew stronger to the point where I feel I lost my heart. That person is the last thing I think about every night, some people say “your last thought are the most important” I don’t know if that’s true, for me I start to reminisce old memories, old laughs, old comfort… old everything until that tear runs down your eye then you find peace and drift off. It’s hard when you used to know what the person was doing before bed to where you wonder? if they think about you as much as you think about them, if they even know how much their presence is important to you.
12/20/2023
Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, Love is kind, Love is grace, Love is forgiveness, Love is like a tree the more it grows the stronger it stands through it all.
‘Cada Dia Te Quiero Mas’
Marca MP & Nivel
‘Llevas un pedazo de mi alma que me hace completo, un beso tuyo me eleva al cielo, Y de aqui no quiero bajar’
WeIrD SHii
Sleep Paralysis:/>
For those who don’t know what this is. Good I hope you never experience anything like this because sleep paralysis is the worst thing to get while full on in deep sleep, for those who do well I would love to hear your stories. Definition of ‘sleep paralysis’ is a state during waking or falling asleep in which a person is conscious but in a complete state of full body paralysis (not being able to move your body). During an episode a person may hallucinate (hear, feel, or see things that aren’t really there) that often lead to fear and can make it more likely to be reoccurring, some people experience these episodes more than once in a single night.
For me I experienced this at the age of 13, now if you’ve been reading the blog further on then you’ll know and understand that my life has already came with trauma so I’m more prone to fear than most. There are some myth’s that refer to sleep paralysis as the ‘the night demon’ but what I know and encountered at the age of 13 was a dark shadow figure. At the time I had my own room and bed as I start to drift on in my peaceful sleep, I feel numb? but asleep? This was my very first encounter, so I actually have no idea what this experience is I figure it’s a dream but when I notice I am turned upside down in a chair not being able to move… I notice a dark shadow moving slowly closer and closer as I’m trying to wake up to move back from the figure, I beat the shadow by a few mins wake up and just drenched in sweat. I realized it wasn’t a dream when as soon as I woke up and fell back asleep it would happen again and quickly to where the body doesn’t get enough time to match with the brain and snooze like it’s supposed to which is the #1 cause of sleep paralysis I don’t know about the whole ‘sleep demon thing but I have read further into it, if you sleep a lot on your back, have an irregular sleep schedule, overwhelming stress (home, work, family) is also a known cause.
Updates Every Tuesday :)